Protect Your Peace

Sometimes it feels like the world is out to get you. There are days where it feels like everything is going wrong. People are extra irritating and everything is piling up, making you anxious, stressed, annoyed, and angry. How could you possibly protect your peace on days like that?

See, it’s easy to place blame on people and outside factors. It tends to be much more difficult to look inward and see how much control you really have over your inner peace. 

What does it mean to protect your peace?

I see people with a lot of inner peace as being completely unbothered no matter the situation they are in. Having trust that everything happens for a reason and that you can learn from any situation(Faith Without Fear). There is so much potential disruption to peace in this life, but whether or not it truly causes disruption is up to you. You may not be able to control what happens around you, but you sure can control your perspective and attitude. 

Preface: 

Understanding a treatment center: I previously worked at a residential treatment center for adopted youth. As I worked there, I got to know and understand each kid on a deeper level. Allowing me many moments to listen to them and, if they were open to it, give them advice. The concept of “protect your peace”, is something I often found myself encouraging the youth to practice. 

 Treatment centers can be a very tough environment to be in. As it can be very healing, it can also be very chaotic. On one hand, they can relate to each other and be a great support system. On the other hand, they can pull each other down by encouraging bad habits. This environment makes it extra difficult for the kids to stay on their healing path when others are either so far ahead or so far behind. I guess this sounds like a normal life, just a bit amplified  in a treatment center setting. For youth and people in general, it is very difficult to not be negatively affected/ influenced by your peers.

 Example:

Anyway, I remember one girl I worked with in particular. As much as she didn’t want to be there, she recognized this unique opportunity to work through her trauma. She often found herself triggered or egged on by the other girls’ behaviors. She would either shut down, join in on the chaos, or feel super angry and not know what to do with that energy. One day, she walked out of a group therapy session feeling a plethora of emotions. I followed her into the hall as she began to open up. After a good vent session, she asked for some advice. 

I explained that the only person in the world she could control is herself. She can control who she interacts with as well as her emotions. The emotions part sounded a bit foreign to her. I told her that when she let girls’ comments and behaviors affect her mood and actions, she was giving her control and power away. The other girls knew that if they could make her feel a certain way, and manipulate her to their advantage. Clearly not letting others get to you is easier said than done. It is hard to ignore the people you are constantly around.

Game Plan:

 To practice protecting her peace, we came up with a game plan. I asked what some of her coping skills were. Aka things she could do to redirect her energy and focus herself inward rather than outward. Some things she mentioned were going to read in her bed, listen to music, go for a walk outside, and request talking with a supervisor or therapist. Along with her suggestions, I encouraged her to set boundaries with her peers. Requesting that they treat her specific ways she wants to be treated. If that is not respected, then she could distance herself from them and either prioritize herself more or find better influences to be around.  

Over the next few months, we worked together to recognize when she was being affected by her environment. Either I would suggest she takes a break, or she would come to me and request one of her coping skills. I was also able to be a bit of a buffer between herself and the people that were antagonizing her. 

Eventually I moved and got a new job, but in the short time between her arrival and my departure, I saw so much growth. Along with other support she received, she gained a lot of inner peace, control, and power.

Apply it to you:

 I assume a majority of readers have not experienced the treatment center life, but you likely experienced feeling like someone else had control over your emotions. Whether it was friends, family, or peers, some people really know how to get under your skin. I know it’s hard to hear, but it is because you let them. You give away your power when you become angry because they want you angry. 

So how can you take ownership over your actions, thoughts, and emotions?

Some coping skills: Separation, Dissociation, boundaries, understanding/empathy

Separation: physically removing yourself from an antagonizing person, place, or situation. This is not always possible, but can be a great way to calm down before addressing an issue. 

Dissociate: understanding when something is not your problem or any of your business. Sometimes it is good to recognize when other people are having issues, and that is their issue to have. Not getting involved in other people’s drama can really help protect your peace. 

🙂 Joke: it’s an iss(you) not an ishme (:

Boundaries: Expecting a base level of good treatment from others and not taking anything less. If people are constantly coming to you to vent about their problems, you may notice that it affects your mental health. In this case, you have every right to limit those people or straight up ask them not to vent to you anymore. Don’t worry about them, they can find other outlets, you need to look after yourself. 

Understanding: This can be hard when someone is being unkind or out right disrespectful, but can help you feel more empathy rather than anger. To better demonstrate, let me share another example with you. 

Example:

A few months ago, I was on a bus in Hawaii with my partner. After a few stops, a lady boards the bus and immediately begins targeting me with random/rude comments. Starting off a little off handed and growing in intensity. Saying things like “look at you and your prince charming”, “I’m going to call you Jolene”, “you must have the most perfect life Jolene”… At that point I was ignoring her and not making eye contact, because I could tell that she was just trying to antagonize me. I was honestly getting quite annoyed, uncomfortable, and a bit scared, and my face turned a little red. She must not have liked the lack of attention I was giving her because she got louder. Mocking me, she said “Oh, are you going to cry? Am I making you cry?”… She was working her way off the bus and said, ”you may as well take my tent too!”, then extended her tent out to me. I continued to pay her no mind.

Once she was off, I could finally take a deep breath to release some anxiety. As my partner and I continued the bus ride, we reflected on how bizarre that situation was, but we knew it wasn’t personal. We could tell that she was both homeless and not in her right mind. She was probably just angry at life and unfortunately took it out on me. We wished her the best in our hearts, took some time to debrief/process that triggering situation, then moved on with our day. 

As anxious as I felt, I did not want to give that lady the satisfaction of ruining my day. I protected my peace by minding my own business then chose understanding and empathy. Rather than becoming angry, and resentful, then holding it in, I chose to have some compassion.

Overall:

I want to mention that I have not always been able to keep my cool. As a middle child of five, there are at least four people in my life who really know how to push my buttons. But as I practice protecting my peace, those buttons get triggered less and less. 

Making yourself a priority in your life and practicing these coping skills to “keep your chill” is going to be a game changer. Taking back that control over your emotions and behavior will take a lot of intentional time and effort. But You will likely experience less stress and more peace in return. I know you can do it, just start to day and stay consistent!

Comment Questions:

What do you do to protect your peace?

What is something you want to work on to better protect your peace?