Mind River

Many people see who they are as being fixed/unchanging. They think that they simply need to accept themselves as they are, and learn to live with the good parts and bad. Lets explore what we can change and how.  Through out this blog, I will refer to this process of changing who you are, as redirecting your “Mind River”.

What is a “mind river”?

Analogy:

I was an instructor for a group of kids at a holiday camp in Australia. A teen girl in my group would often put herself down, saying things like “I can’t do it”, “I will never be able to”, or “my past experiences make this hard/impossible”. I found myself in a tough situation trying to balance pushing her past her comfort zone just enough to grow, but not too much to where it breaks her.

Throughout the camp I would simply encourage her to give things a go. Some activities she would push herself and complete them, while others she would choose to sit out. Throughout the week, I would often reflect on this negative mindset and brainstorm ways to help her. On the last day, as she was overwhelmed by packing and nearly ready to give up, I remembered an analogy to better explain how her negative self-talk was forming who she was and will become. 

I said to her, “Your thoughts and actions are like a river flowing in your mind. Your river currently flows strong with “I can’t do it” and “I will never be able to” thoughts. Whether or not you started that flow of thought or not, that is the direction your water runs most of the time. You are more capable than you think you are, but you have to believe that to become it. You have the power to create a flow of water into a new river, but it will take a lot of work and conscious effort.

This river of limiting beliefs runs deep, as it has been flowing for a long time. Water will naturally follow that direction until you choose to actively pour water into a new stream of “I can do it” thoughts. One day it will be a river that naturally  flows on its own. The old river of thoughts will always be there, but over time it will dry up and fill in, no longer being the natural/ consistent direction of the mind. 

The thing about your mind river is that you are the only one who can add buckets of new water aka thoughts. I can believe in you all day and encourage you by saying “you can do it” or “you are so strong and capable”, but that will only add splashes or maybe cups of water. You have to consciously and consistently redirect your flow of thoughts into the river of your choice”. 

I could tell that she was hearing me, but she wasn’t too happy to gain some accountability for her thoughts and actions. She may have been expecting me to give her a hug and say “that’s okay, you don’t have to pack, let me do it”, then pack her bags for her. I hope instead I was able to add a little more water into a river she is building. I hope she knows that she can do just about anything, and will eventually dry up the river of limiting thoughts.

Conditioned From a Young Age

It is common to be conditioned to think, believe, or act certain ways as a kid. That is simply how children are raised, for the better or worse. Much like my camper in Australia. She likely had negative, limiting dialogues told to her for many years by one or many people. Whether you are influenced by your parents, teachers, friends, or society. Who you are around will shape who you will become.

This specific example of my camper may not resonate with you, because it may not be a super relevant issue in your life at this time. Although, the same idea applies to anything your parents/society may have conditioned you to believe. 

Examples may be…

-Don’t travel alone, it’s too dangerous

-You are only pretty if you look a certain way (tall, skinny, curvy, muscular…)

-You must graduate high school, go to college, get married, and have kids in order to be happy and successful

-Don’t cry or show emotions, it is a sign of weakness

These are all false statements that will not serve you in the long run. They limit your thoughts and actions, and stop you from taking a different life path. A path that is meant to be unique to you, one that may challenge the norm, but at the same time will leave you feeling more fulfilled.

Personal Attributes

As we can see, childhood teachings can create strong rivers in our mind, but what about personal attributes? Are there things about yourself that you dislike? Maybe some negative traits like being very sarcastic, a procrastinator, disorganized, pessimistic, overly blunt, a push over, or being snarky run as strong rivers in your life. These attributes that you’d prefer not to have, may have a sense of permanence. You may think there is no possibility of being any other way. Have you accepted it as a part of you, even if it doesn’t serve you or align with who you want to become?

This mindset doesn’t allow much or any room for growth, so lets make room with a new mindset.

 Anyone who can identify a bad habit and has the desire to become a better version of themselves, is capable of change. It takes time, consistency, persistence, and grace for yourself, but one day the patterns of which you think, and do, can and will change.

The river of old thoughts will dry up and a new and improved one will flow strong. Here are a few tips and tricks to change your mindset/mind river. 

How to actively change your mind river

If your thoughts are constantly dragging you down, then you will stay down until you change them. Becoming who you want to be all starts in the mind. You become your thoughts. This concept is similar to the quotes, “Fake it till you make it” & “If you can believe, you can achieve it”. Even if a new thought isn’t true now, remind yourself until it becomes true. Lets take the negative self talk and turn it into something positive/empowering.

“Having something empowering that you can replace negative thoughts with will help you rewrite the narrative in your head. From an “I can’t” to an “I can” internal dialogue.” –Faith without Fear.

Down below are some examples of the:

Mind river you want to create-The current personal narrative-The narrative you will redirect the negative thoughts to.

High self esteem-      I am worthless<I love myself

Physical strength-     I am weak<I am strong

Health-                       I eat junk < I fuel my body

Patience-                    I get agitated so fast<I am patient,

Kindness-                   The world is bad to me so I’ll be mean back< I give good energy to all

Intelligence-               I am no good in school< I am smart and love to learn

Peace-                         I am an anxious person< I trust that things will work out

Happiness-                 I am depressed< I can find the good in anything

What’s Next?

As much of an individual mind game/personal development project this is, it is nice to have some accountability. Consider telling someone what your new habit/attribute goal is. They may be able to correct you when you forget and you accidentally put water into your old river. Also consider writing your goals down in a journal and reflecting on your progress each day (Free Therapy). Write down old rivers, and what river are you going to start building?

Overall, I just want you to know that no matter how long you have been “stuck in your ways”, it is never too late to become who you want to be. “There is no better time to start than now.” What looks like a trickle of water now may one day become a massive river. So start adding drops into your new river now. Maybe even buckets if you are feeling determined and empowered!

Comment Section Questions

What is a river in your mind that you would like to redirect? (something that will better serve you)

What is something you were conditioned to believe that no longer resonates with you?