Okay, hear me out… I know that the idea of me sharing something that is “free therapy” sounds too good to be true. But here’s the thing, as this may not be the thing that fixes all the problems in your life, it’s quick, easy, and I would argue that it is quite effective, so why not give it a shot?
Where this idea came from:
I would love to give credit where credit is due, but I am honestly not sure where this idea came from. Maybe a mix of taking psychology and social work classes, attending group therapy sessions with youth at treatment centers I worked at, different friends, media (Movie: To All the Boys I Loved Before), and the continued encouragement to keep a journal, led me to this enlightened practice.
During a pretty dark phase in my life where I was digging up buried trauma and trying to find a healthy way to process and release it, I decided to start writing letters. To be more specific, I would write letters that I would never send. I wrote them in my journal to different people as often as something would start itching at my chest. You know, when your subconscious gets promoted into the conscious brain. In other words, when something that you told yourself was “no big deal”, “that doesn’t bother me”, or “I’m over it” suddenly is a deal, a bother, and you find yourself stuck right in it. That’s when I knew I needed to practice this method of relief.
I would start by writing “dear (who ever I am thinking about)”
Who is the letter to?
This is where this gets deep. The person you address the letter to doesn’t have to be someone you are angry with or got hurt by. Any emotion can be a good reason for a therapy letter. Here are some examples of who and what you may choose to write.
A letter to…
A loved one who passed away. You can simply write how much you love and miss them. Or even any emotions or thoughts you never got a chance to express, either positive or negative.
A parent. You can write about what you love and appreciate about them. How you were raised. As well as what you resent and wished had not happened.
A friend who hurt you in some way. You can write about all of the good memories as well as the negative feeling caused by something they may have done.
A personal favorite, write a letter to yourself.
Your younger self: You can write gratitude, validate your emotions, apologies for unfair things that may have happened. Maybe even give advice as the older version of yourself that you would have liked to hear as a kid. Be the parent, friend, teacher, support that you needed at that time.
Yourself now: Write a letter of gratitude, encouragement, maybe even scolding if you feel like you need to get your shit together.
Your future self: In this letter you can really manifest what you want your life to look like and maybe ask questions or ask for advice from your future self. You may be surprised with the answers your heart and mind may speak to you.
>All of these letters to yourself are a great way to get to know yourself better, as well as process and release things you have gone through.
I want to show you an example of how I have used this method of free therapy, but first I would like to share details on why I wrote it, when, and what I did with it after.
Personal Example
March 27, 2024 I was at a transitional phase of my life, moving away from organized religion and into self exploration with a new sense of freedom. I, for the past couple of years, have been working through identifying parts of myself that I wanted to change or improve in. Which included recognizing where those habits and behaviors came from. I thought it would be helpful to write a thank you letter to my old self for being who I needed to be, as well as telling myself that circumstances have changed and that I don’t need to be that person anymore. After writing the letter in my journal, I decided to leave it there. It is something I can look back on as a reminder of who I was, where I am going, as well as an example on how I can use this method again in the future.
The fun part about this is that there is no judgement. You don’t have to worry about grammar, spelling, or someone else reading it. You can also choose to express yourself however you want. Whether that be in the form of a letter, story, poem…
In this specific example, I decided to write it in the form of a poem.
“Goodbye to the old me. Goodbye to the girl who was so uptight/ stressed about everything. The girl who needed to be perfect to feel loved/worthy. The girl who felt responsible for the success of her family. Goodbye to the girl who checked all the religion boxes and still longed for a relationship with God. Goodbye to the girl who justified the way people would treat her, and changed herself to better please them. Goodbye to the girl who went to school because it was part of the social norm. Goodbye to the girl who was friends with people who she was afraid to be herself around. Goodbye to the girl who was afraid to tell the truth because she wanted to protect others feelings. This girl is gone, and I thank her for leading me here, but I respectfully hope I only see her in memory and not in the mirror.”
Why write?
The point is to express everything you are thinking and feeling in regards to a person or memory without fear.
For many reasons we may not feel comfortable freely expressing ourselves. Especially to the person you have pent up thoughts and feelings towards.
Writing it out can really allow a full expression without holding back.
This can also be a great way to slow down, sit in a quiet space, and reflect. Giving yourself this quality time can bring clarity to questions and decisions in life. It’s a time to think freely, without outside influence from others. This is rare and honestly needs to be intentionally scheduled in these days.
What to do with the letter?
Keep it in “my eyes only”
Depending on the contents of the letter, keeping it to read regularly can be either therapeutic and a good reminder or it can become a very toxic habit of reliving the same dramatic event. The purpose of these letters are to allow emotions to move through you rather than bottle up inside. That being said, it is important to be aware of the contents and the effects reading it regularly will have, in order to make the right judgment call.
Share with someone
You may be comfortable and confident in sharing this letter with the person it is addressed to. On the other hand, you may want to share these thoughts with someone you trust. If you choose to share it with a trusted individual. I do advise not sharing it with many people who this does not concern. This can cause some unnecessary drama and further issues. Sharing the letter with the person addressed is much more ideal and can actually be a great form of communication. As it is often more thought out than a normal conversation.
Watch it disappear
It can be an extra level of therapeutic to physically let go of baggage you are trying to emotionally let go of. Ways of doing this could be burning the piece of paper, burying it, or watching it float away in a body of water(please make sure you do it on something environmentally friendly). Consider putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper, then physically releasing them. This can really help you create a disconnection from what was written down and more easily move on.
How often should I journal?
I personally like aiming to journal everyday, but I am not overly strict on it. My goal is to have a daily habit. Because when things do happen, I have a built in reflection time to process and hopefully release events and emotions. Regular journaling is great for maintaining good mental health practices, because it provides an opportunity for frequent expression and release. People often bottle things up until they can no longer hold it all together. Rather than make it a practice to slowly acknowledge and release things as they come up.
Writing in a journal is free therapy
Aside from directly processing events, feelings, and interactions with people, journaling can serve you in many ways. As mentioned above in the “why” section, journaling can simply be a quite time to reflect on your life. Regularly journaling what you do, how you feel, and who you spend time with can show where you are going in life. What you do now will determine your future. If there are any changes you need to make to have a better future, journaling can be a great tool in identifying and implementing change. Overall a journal is a place to plan, make goals, record progress, reflect, express yourself, dream, manifest…
Want more content ideas for your journal time?
Read Self-Love: Practices
Comment your thoughts to these questions down below:
What is your experience with journaling?
What are your favorite ways to process events in your life?
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